I am a married woman, due to some circumstances; it feels like I am still single. No husband to worry about. There is no one to whom I can hang out with. Someone whom I can call my knights in shining armour. Someone whom I can tell everything, and anything under the sun, a play mate. However, what I conceptualize is very different from my reality. It is missed up. I was left the same I was back then. I don’t know, but maybe I brought these things up to myself. We are not yet divorce because he won’t let go of me. I always asked him to release me but he wouldn’t. I fell that he doesn’t need me and that he won’t be happy with me, why is he prolonging his own agony and mine as well if our star wouldn’t let it be. I love him so dearly, but in this life we could not control over something that is already in there. I don’t like to tell my full stories since there is that issue that should be left hidden to public. So, please forgive me if I won’t go into details.
Sometimes, I do wander if we will meet each other in the next life, (though I know this perception is not in our Holy Book except death) but I can’t help but to wander about this. Are we going to meet again? Can we love each other again? Maybe some of you will tell, “why don’t you do it now while your still at it.” As far as I’d love to do so, I couldn’t. There is that force that is stopping me to do so. Maybe one of these reasons is not being so familiar with boys. I never mingle with boys. So, I don’t know how to react in front of them. I’ve been protecting myself from them, and learned to relay more on myself, and didn’t see the wanderof relaying to someone whom you really care the most. My childhood memories about being in love to someone were being shuttered in an instant. I wanted to blame everything around; however, I don’t have the right to do so. I will keep myself in silence.
I am not looking for a piety, but I am just venting out just for this once.