The memories of the child with in me.


          I, once hold a cherished feeling that I would never thought it would come that early to me. Back then, 11 years ago, I still remembered those words you have said about me. Your words were like an arrow that triggered my mind out of it, and even the fragile young heart within me was being captured by it. I know that you didn’t mean those words, but for me, it was like sleeping in a sweet dream and never wanted to wake up from it. Until now I could still remember those words, though not that exact but the positive meaning of it really engraved within thy heart. Ever since I heard those enchanting words of yours that day when I was young, I keep on thinking and thinking over and over again, until such time that this feelings evolved into something I didn’t even know how did it came to it. I cherished those feelings more and more each day. It gave me light in pursuing so many things, and turns into an admiration that made me stronger to give my best shot as much as I can in pursuing my studies. It helps a lot. Seeing that person from a far really made me through it. When I wanted to give up something because of my weaknesses, the only thing I could do was to look at you and try even harder to fight. You were like a light during my darkest hours.

There were moments when I couldn’t look at that person’s eyes, and I am even afraid of talking to him. Maybe, I was too shy to start a conversation with that person and even in our teen life. I was like an ice being frozen when that person wanted to start a conversation with me, and when that happens, I usually wanted to avoid him as much as I can and keep myself far far away from him. However, doing that always makes me want to say to myself “how stupid I am”. I don’t know what was I fear all about back then. That the only thing I know was, not to let that person know about those sentiments I have. It was an unspoken feeling and until now that person didn’t even know it, after all those years of being a schoolmate and became friends. Deep inside, I am always cheering him up. Though I could not convey those words directly, but I would only wish and say it to the wind, hoping that it would reach that person.

            Asking about myself, about my feelings towards him right now, I could say it was already in the past, a sweet memory. The passage of time for us has been too fast and the distance for us has been too far. The child within me will always cherish those feelings forever, but as for me, the present me, will always thankful to that person because I have the chance to experience those emotions I never thought it would come in my one single life on earth, even though it was unrequited, yet that person kindness will always be engraved in my childhood heart. Maybe were not soul mates at present but maybe during our past life, we were. You will always be the “oji-sama” that I dreamed of when I was young, and it will remain as that forever. Moving forward is the only thing I could do now, yet deep inside me, I am always cheering that person where ever he goes.

          Wherever you are, I wanted to say “Thank you” for the courage that you brought me, even though you didn’t even know it. hehe

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