Finding a way out!

writing

               I’ve been writing on this blog emotionatpeek.wordpress.com for how many months now. I guess, 2 years to be exact? I don’t know why am I writing. Maybe in order to release this million of thoughts that exists in my mind, or gets my mind off the hook from having too many things to think about. I am writing in my spare times, even though I know that my grammars were very unthinkable or not very creative at all, but what the heck I am still writing. This is something to be called Ä trying Hard Writer in the 21st Century (laughing out loud).However, I didn’t dream of becoming a writer of a certain novel, just an average writer.  I don’t know the main reason of this thing, but I just write. I guess, the purpose of writing some piece of me is for the people to read my stories, and maybe if something will happen, this will be my legacy. Will enough of this thing, I don’t want to go somewhere in the dark side of my mind!

                I am beginning to think, if there is something for me in store in the near future. Thinking, thinking, and thinking, but I usually find myself blocked. I can’t see anything. Do I have a goal? What’s my calling? What’s the purpose of my living, if I can’t let myself get out in this certain cage that I built within me, then what is it? I’ve been hearing some stories, to be specific; religious stories, about this people who change 180 degrees in their life in an instance. I find those people who change easily a very amusing people, changing in a way to a religious aspect. From time to time, I would ask Allah (swt) to shift my attention to him. There are those instances that I am eager but there are some that it fades away. Human souls usually aren’t that stable especially on their faith. In terms of this part, my faith is fluctuating. This is a dangerous thing to think about, but i am praying He won’t let me be like of this people who were deviated. There are those instances where in, I would think of going somewhere in order to learn, but sometimes fear submerge, and poof nothing happens. I am afraid to take the risk, because deep inside I felt there is something. I wish I could change in an instant. Waking up early in the morning waking up in a different persona. However, this is just part of that wishful thinking.

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