How to heal a broken Heart?

Even A hundred folds of grief is divisible by love. A statement that I did really like from reading Chicken Soup for the Soul: From Lemonade to Lemon. I am not the only one who suffered from this disease known LOVE by human for how many millennial. There are so many reasons for a couple to separate ways. Girlfriend-Boyfriend relationship could end up for so many reasons. How much more for a couple, whose been married for how many years. When does a relationship ends? When both were already through from each other? When sparks already worn out? Or did each of the individual find another love to spend their time with and find if it’s worth staying?  For those who suffered and reading this, how did you heal  your broken heart?

The traces are still there. Forgiveness is not yet given, and I don’t know when will be that day. Some people said, the sign of moving on is when you forgive the one who did the hurtful things to you. Is this true? But then again, I couldn’t totally answer that.

So below this are things I did just to pull myself up.

Image 01

1. Write your thoughts out!

From my previews post, I did write an articles. For I couldn’t keep my emotion as much as I can. When we were in that situation, thoughts suddenly overflowing. All the queries. All the doubts that cannot be answered suddenly takes a toll on me. I am an introvert person. I just can’t tell you what my thoughts out loud, unlike extrovert people. I keep them, but in  some way or another, there is always a so called limits to everything. I recently realized that during those days. The limits of comprising everything inside. So I thought I need an outlet. Something that could minimize the bearing, keep myself in total check, and blocking my mind off from thinking. I did the writings, posted some of them to this page. Most of my write ups was posted in a certain website that stopped working years ago. Ended up deleting every post I had back then, but that’s okay now, it’s all in the past. Aside from posting them from  websites, I am also writing them up in a journal.

It feels good when you write them up. Looking from them years after, you will surely tell yourself, “How stupid I was back then!” and you will feel like it was the most embarrassing and funniest moment ever happen to your life.

IMAGE 02

2. Go out and do some Aerobics!

The music was loud, my co-aerobics ladies was busy dancing, and I was like doing the moves but I had a teary eyes. I held back, controlled it, and do the moves. I did go through readings from websites, magazines and other reading materials just to get rid the thoughts of our relationship from my mind and one of their advice was do the moves. By doing an exercise that releases an endorphin (or the happy hormones)  from your body will increase and help you to get on the positive track. It is indeed effective.

My goal back then was not to get my body fats out from my system, but to get my mind off the track from thinking of him.

Up to 60% Off Books, Art & Ephemera in May’s Bookseller Sales AbeBooks.co.uk - Passion for books

IMAGE 03

3. Find a Trustworthy person who experience the same situation.

There were those moments when  writing isn’t enough. You want an advice from someone who can understand your distress, and know how to deal on some of your deep worries.  I am thankful to my friend, who was there when I needed an advice. Someone I can go to when everything seems so unclear. Thanks to her, I conquered that feeling.

image 04

4. Look for something that will get yourself busy.

Working on something that will let your thoughts drift off from the burdened you carry within yourself is a must. You can gear yourself to do something that might interest you. Don’t let yourself do nothing, and think everything all over and over again in your home at your own emotional expense. Go out! You can do a cooking class, stitch a little bit, go for a seminar, training, or do anything that will make you happy. Taking one step at a time is worth a try than moping around.  Aerobics isn’t enough for me back then, I invest my earnings in learning new things. I enrolled in Education at St. Michael for 1 year class with 24 units subject at hand. I missed going to school. Doing this, really gave me plenty of things to worry that will keep my mind off of him. I got lot of home works, papers to be finished, reports to do and immersion to go to. It was then a busy year. I was working Weekdays, going to school during Weekends, a daily dose of 1 hour aerobics and doing all my papers during night time. Speaking of this, I kind of missed doing it.

IMAGE 05

5. Don’t let yourself play slow songs or something romantic.

As much as I can, I don’t like listening to mellow music. I need something pop, rock or something that I can apply my aerobic thing. For listening mellow music will get me to square one, and it can took a little bit of time to pull myself again.  So don’t let yourself do this, unless you’ve moved on.

DSC00001

6. Travel

After I gave my ultimate decision to my father about us, I decided to go somewhere to heal my undeniable broken heart. I went to the place where I really love, Japan. I did do a little bit of savings for almost a months. As far as my budget can stretch, I did try not to spend too much. Trying to stop myself from the whim of my own wants, and thankfully, it was a success. I got my dream. I went there and it was the most happiest thing ever that did happen to my existence here on earth. It means a lot to me.

Each and every one of us has different coping up mechanism. It so happen that, what is written here is something I did try to pull myself from this distress.  You can try anything that is appropriate to you, no one needs to control you for what you want.

For those viewers whose reading this and has a same situation, you know that you are not alone. If you want to cry, cry like a river, but don’t make it forever. The last thing that I did learn from all of this is that; No one can save you at the end of day, but you, yourself alone. Live fully, and live well.

Advertisements

Deviance Behavior: On being a Gay

tumblr_mzo6bnFTGU1r2buuoo1_500

This guy in the picture is not my cousin, that’s for sure. It is just an image representing this article:)

Homosexuality has been well-thought-out as deviant behavior throughout human history. People cannot remove this kind of behavior towards one person who is involved into this kind of act. Christian, Muslim and other religion condemn this homosexuality, but then again we cannot judge one person just for having this kind of behavior.

RELIGIOUS BOOKS YOU MIGHT GET INTERESTED

I did interviewed a close relative of being a gay and he told me everything I want to know. First of all, his alias name is “Gorgeous” (won’t like to state his name for privacy purposes) a first cousin of mine. I asked him if this deviancy was innate, and he told me that, it’s true. When he a was a child, most of his companions were all girls. In his growing up years he looks up to them. He observed the entire action the way girls do at a tender age, and later on he was influenced. During those time, he assumed that being with them, and acting like them is a norm. He ended up  desiring to be like them.

Secondly, I asked him if ever he run into a problem of being a gay. He answered, “ My parents doesn’t want me to be like this, but what can I do? This is me. Hence, I feel that my kinsfolks hated me since I am a gay. Someday I’ll be someone that they’re going to be proud of and prove them that I am capable of doing things.” In Muslim communities, homosexuality is not accepted for they see this act as an immoral. Nevertheless, for the people who are engaged to this kind of doing  feels that they are just being real to themselves.

 Thirdly, I asked him if being a gay has given him anything or any benefits. He then replied, “It gives me the chance to be known in campus. I gained a lot of friends and made many memories to keep. Self-confidence is the key factor from all of this. I gained this for being myself, causing everything to fall to its rightful place.” I envy my cousin on this part. He has this guts and attitude that lures people toward his unique characteristic.

The Interviewer and the interviewee, which is me, is related by blood. Him, being a gay, as I see it doesn’t cause any problem. If he wants to be a gay then that’s his choice. We cannot force something to a person, he/she doesn’t want to. The only thing I can possibly do for him is to support and understand every endeavor his trying to accomplish.

This article was created a years ago. Gorgeous is not your typically gay who will wear a lot of makeup, have a thick red lips, and act excessively. Yet, he does wear in a very fashionable manner. Comparing from then to now, Gorgeous change 180 degrees. What do I mean? He ended up choosing being a man. He does once told us that “Let me do things, as what I am doing now. Time will come I’ll get bored acting this way” and he did. Though he did changed, yet his gesture still exist, act softly or” mahinhin” in tagalog.

The Taste of Life

“This story is something I created when I was a first  year college, year 2005. My teacher from English 3 instructed us to make a story based from the picture he revealed to us. At that moment,  the picture he did revealed was a photo of a cave and war like scenario, then this is how I created the story.”

It was May 14, 2014 when my friend Joan invited us to be reunited again after a long time, her friend since high school, to go in Palawan. It was her treat for us to relax from a heavy office duty, to have a sightseeing not to mentioned, vacation with the gang! It was the right time then since it was summer. All of us were free from work. The sea was a crystal clear as well as the sky that was very much bluer than blue when we arrived, and Joan was standing near the shore waiting for us.

IMAGE 1

After a few days of appreciating the beauty of the said place, we have decided to go to the cave. The last spot that we haven’t gone to.  There were three boats that were going inside and one of that boats were us. Before entering the cave, Aliyah was quite afraid going inside because it was dark. I, myself was also afraid from the kept hidden mystery from the cave. Still, the man said that there’s nothing to be afraid of since the cave is not perilous. As we go in, we’ve seen lot of things inside and one of this was a limestone which was created by a slight acidic substance that slowly dissolves the rock along cracks and it looks like a crystal as the light of our flashlight hits the wall of the cave and we are amazed how wonderful it was. As we row the boat, many bats were flying towards us, until we arrived at the zone of the cave which is called the twilight zone. Joan explained to us what twilight zone is. She said that this zone is sheltered from direct sunlight and normally has a moderate environment than above ground and host to a diverse population of animals. After an hour, we succeed coming out from the cave with a feeling of contentment and memories of our experiences inside the cave.

image 2

After enjoying the trip, we finally decided to go back to the resort hotel. It was getting dark when my friend wawa was reading a newspaper when suddenly she started to uproar. As I look at the newspaper, it was a picture of three cars that were burning into flame beside a building and it came from the country of Iraq. Bainarie told us that they were at the chaos that is happening in Iraq at this very moment, and it was true as seen on CNN News today. I’ve seen many people, military unit and other events that are involve in that pandemonium. From that moment, I feel bad and pity to those people who are involved in that turmoil. As I look up the sky, the stars are shining so brightly and the sea was calm. I suddenly think that, while we were having fun on this island, other people were suffering from commotion that caused by misunderstanding. Now, I realize that sometimes, life is becoming unfair.

“It was a story I created 11 years ago, and to tell you, this didn’t happen since our friend Joan died from an incurable illness last 2013. It was an unexpected sickness that caused her body to grow frailer each day. The treatment from her illness haven’t been resolved by science, only to reduce the pain. Due to her stress caused by her environment, her sickness grow quicker than expected. Not later than a year, I guess, after knowing her illness, she died. The sickness that caused her life to demise is called LUPUS.”

Submit Express Local SEO

The following days after December 31, 2014.

121714-2015

Another year is going at its end, and newly tide is now on its way to make everything different. Another year for celebrations, and year of adventure in our life. Do you think something will change in one’s life in this year? I guess so, because each of us has a destiny to fulfill, and what that is, is a surprise that we need to look forward to.

I’ve been browsing at wordpress.com, encoding the 2015 on the tag part to search for some resolution coming from other people. Many of them showed up different resolution in their life were you can find them as somewhat pleasing. People do has a way of doing things, hoping it will be the best. And yet, it is somewhat wonderful since it gives hope to one’s heart that somewhere in their life in this year, they change something for good. We are not perfect, we do make mistakes. It is an inevitable circumstances that human do have this kind of nature. You and I is not excuse for this true concept, but despite of this, I would say human is an awesome creation. Trying to make up for something that has gone wrong in their past life.

From previous years, we happened to learn so many things from our happy memories, and mostly from our sad memories. Usually, the sad one was something that triggers our loneliness. The deepest part of us, that saying “Someone help me, I don’t know what to do!” However, we want to disguise our weakness through showing others that “I am strong” which in reality, we gain cracks inside our heart once we felt the pain of being sad for something that had happened. Moving on is something that is hard. As they say “you must let go.” But let’s admit, this thing is a painful part in our life, yet we need it for us to free ourselves. Most of the human, and thousands of thousands of human even in the past felt this feeling in a most unexpected way. Circumstances always make us feel this pain before a person come along in his/her twilight zone in his/her life, and I am not exempted to that. I was born in an average family. At first we don’t have anything, but we do have each other for almost years, I never gained any problems except from my school thing. However, after 23 years of living, I did encounter one thing, my ex-husband. We broke up days ago, which I stated in my past blog. I don’t want to go into details, but as I felt I am not yet transcending myself in letting go. He is the first person who made me feel the true pain is. Truly, loving a person is something that will cause pain and that you will find yourself in the weakest form once it’s broken, and I did. I felt miserable being together with him. One thing is, it flash right into my face, the real weakness inside me and the reflection of who I truly am. Instead of encouraging me, he didn’t helped any of it, but instead he keep on piling up so many things that I couldn’t handle. It is like, our relationship is a curse that we need to be part ways. I feel terribly sad about it, and I am always asking if when will be the day I need to let go of this pain? I am hoping that next year, will be the time I will learn to let go.

Aside from this, I list all of the things I planned to do this year 2015 and here it is:

               (I need to upload my mind mapping sooner)

                My plan somewhat scramble, but mind mapping is indeed a good things in planning. It is missed up, but I still need to arrange it within this two days before the year ends. I want to implement this plan by January, hopefully. So In order give a view in my plan, let’s summarize it shall we? Let’s take them one by one.

  1. Spiritual – This is the most important priorities that I needed to accomplish. I’ve planning on to grow this part of me, yet I couldn’t for the fact that myself wouldn’t. I might say that it is my nafs or desire that make this thing out of my priorities. However, this year I will try the best as I can to be within my goal. May Allah guide me, and give tawfiq inside my mind to fulfill this.
  2. Different path – I wouldn’t state this thing directly in here for I am certain that someone might see this blog which I want this to be safe yet. But I am planning to try a certain path that might lead me somewhere, and learn the things I needed.
  3. Travel – I really wanted to go to JAPAN. I am hoping that this year will be that significant year where I will be having an adventure in this said place.
  4. Going to School and learn – I will do this practical thing which I would like to go to if my second list will be operational, if not, I guess I have to look for another thing to fulfill this.
  5. Save Money- OMG! My weakness! For almost six years I’ve been using my salary extravagantly without saving anything. Look at me right now, I’m yet at the starting point to save something.
  6. Read Books- I am not much of a reader, but I do believe that once you find a book that you will enjoy, it is like sweet cake, that you will grave for it always.
  7. Self-Development – I am my young adult stage, and I felt I’m still young child inside. Selfish and self-centered. I don’t want to go on like this. I want to mature and enhance myself with things that I needed the most.
  8. Exercise – I do this thing, but not that totally rigorous. I, particularly stop, go, stop and go with my exercise thing.

I am hoping that my list will be followed next year. Of course, it will depend on me. I do have a tendency to procrastinate, but as much as I can, time is an essence in living our lives. I guess, I’ve wasted too much time which I could not count them, if they did productive or not. Evaluating from my previews year, I guess none. However, I want to believe that I could do so many things in this year of the rum. I was watching “Once Upon a Time Series” and I could tell that what I’ve learned is to believe and have faith in all the things that I needed. I guess, I have to contemplate and meditate and ask myself from everything that had gone wrong, and things I couldn’t do. In this way I might find a better changes by next year. Live and Believe.

th

TURNING POINT

I’ve never been used in counting days or whatever that comes my way. I guess, this 2014 was not the same with any kind of years that had passed. I can say it isn’t the fast pacing life that you could ever imagined, but changes did happened. I remember this following months;

January 2014 –     I was then very busy working out with my second course (i.e education)

February 2014 –    Attended a seminar in relation to Customer Service at Cagayan de Oro

March 2014 –        Continuing attending my school course

April 2014 –      Doing all the best I can to finish my requirements for the whole 6 subjects and even with the Field Studies instructed by our teachers in education.

May 2014 – Nothing happened much, I was kind of busy verifying our grades in St. Michael

June 2014 – I finally got my TOR in this course, and the next thing I did then was to file my papers for LET EXAM

July 2014 – I finally got out from COA and enter into the world of PagIBIG, and was assigned at Marawi Service Desk

August 2014 – It was then the 17th day of that month were I need to attend the Licensure Examination for Teachers. I was then so nervous that day, and everything keep dashing inside mind.

September 2014 – Nothing much happened here. I could say it’s my tranquil months.

October 2014 – on this month I received the result of the LET, and I’m thankful to God that I did pass! All my worries suddenly vanished and all was left was a thankful heart to God and to everyone for helping me out.

November 2014 – I was then so happy doing all my PRC related matters, and was then given the ticket for the big day “oath taking”

                For December 2014, I guess I want this month to be detailed, in the since that it was the current situation I was involved with until now. So, I was counting days from 1 to 12 day of December. Of course, I am not counting for the fact that it was then a Christmas, but it’s not. Christmas is not a practice in our religion, and I guess most of your guys, knows that Islam really don’t involve with this kind of celebration. Anyway, going back to my stories, while I was waiting, my parents decided to accompany me in the oath taking that was held last December 14, 2014 at Cagayan de Oro City. Before that day on December 13, 2014, we all went there, four of us to be exact (my parent, brother and of course yours truly). We did stayed at Tune Hotel. It was a very remarkable place. (In order for you to see what’s in this hotel, you can have a peek at the picture below.} I could say, I would waste some of my money staying in this hotel. Not only that you are comfortable with this hotel, and the staff were very accommodating but the building itself is very safe to anyone. If you are staying in Cagayan de Oro City, and would like to have a very comfortable stay in, I suggest to try their accommodation.

Tune Hotel

                On the day of oath taking, I was then very glad saying to myself; at last, all my efforts didn’t go to waste and here I am taking an oath for the first time in my life.” I was with the other hundreds of LET PASSER enjoying the feeling of gratitude and hoping for a new start to begin with. One thing, I was then thankful as well was that, a friend of mine was there. Seeing her in there was kind of assuring that what was happening then was real and it’s not a dream.

 PhotoGrid_1418521435038

                After the ceremony, we had a lunch date together with my family. As I stare at them, I would say it was a great thing to have a family bonding once in a while. Hope to have another session of this family bonding.

 Presentation1

                The next thing happen is having fun with my co office mate last December 19, 2014. It was a merry day, going off to work and having the whole night to enjoy together with our office family. We celebrated this at Villa Verde near at Gaisano Mall. As I mention early, that we don’t celebrate Christmas, but for the sake of camaraderie, we did joined them for this one night of fun.

 Aloha pix

                Usually, fun always countered with sadness of thy heart. After a few days, I was disheartened by the news that strikes me. I saw it coming, but I never expect it would that be easy. I am healing my heart now. I don’t know when will be the day my heart would find peace, but I’m hoping it would be so soon. However, for the meantime, as the year ends, I am looking forward for the things that will happen by next year. Hope it will be much colorful than it is. HAPPY NEW YEAR to Everyone!

The Image through the Moonlight Rhythm!

images

                I played your songs in this quite night. It seems I am typing these words through my keyboard where I imagine of playing the moonlight in a piano along with an orchestra as it arises my imagination in a splash! Let me give an insight of what image I do see in thy rhythm, as to let this feeling of you go through with the wind and cast it away in thy darkness.

                The writer herself feels she was a heroine in a very tragic story, where her other half (husband) betrayed her for a woman from a far distance. In comparison to other people in thy history, some royalties were imprisoned by their own destiny. Most of them marrying the person who claimed by their clan to be with her/him as to increase their wealth, and produce so many linkages with so many famous people. Prestige, wealth and pride were at seems to be the most precious that a person could ever have. It seems a futile to go against the tide of betraying the clan, since what is at stake is thy name of thy family, THE HONOR. Two hearts intertwined by faith without even giving a chance for their hearts to settle. Do you think will they ever last? Will you ever love someone as per instructed by the people nearest you? Most of the reader would answer to choose faith as predicted by their own will.

                What’s the hardest is that heart cannot be instructed to whom you will give thy love! A man who love somebody more than his life is something unbreakable. Even if you chained him to other woman’s chest. It will just cause pains and revenge. True love cannot be departed from each other. Though, a woman who became the third wheel is the most painful that a human can feel. Tormented by unrequited love. Forever dreaming of unrealistic event of the man he thought she would love. Tears beside her bed, and a thorny roads along her way. Day by day imagining the love she would have. Seeing the image of the man he has, but never has she owned, together with his woman that he loves but never owns. A woman whose heart is in pain, is like a curse that neither medicines, time nor miracles can heal! A man can tell lies after lies making his own credibility worsen, nevertheless, this is just a small amount of a price to pay compared to the heart being lied to. Forever being delusional of something she will never have, a pain that will kill her every day of her life. Hoped that she had married the first and the last man in her life, but it turns out to be a dead dream! Forever in the eyes of emptiness!

Someone to tell…

2

How it is good to tell someone anything about something you wanted to say, and that even a little thing would be something you could share without feeling something so opposite or kind of awkward afterwards. I would like to write this on this wall at least I can get this thing off inside me. Alright, someone came inside my room to borrow something. I don’t want to be on details as for the names are concerned. Okay, they then wanted to borrow a formal dress. I take out everything inside my formal dress out of the closet. They pick what they need to choose, and when they’ve done that, they slowly went out. However, before doing so, the last one who get out of my room suddenly speak of something which is a verse, and that I know. I feel kind of offended. Why? Because I feel like a monster or something that she needed to speak that off inside my room. I don’t know. Wished I could say this to someone. I guess, I just need to be off inside my mind to move on! Will I just shared this thing off as too move on. If you wanna ask something about this, just ask the writer. Okay Guys!? See you for another blogging.