How to heal a broken Heart?

Even A hundred folds of grief is divisible by love. A statement that I did really like from reading Chicken Soup for the Soul: From Lemonade to Lemon. I am not the only one who suffered from this disease known LOVE by human for how many millennial. There are so many reasons for a couple to separate ways. Girlfriend-Boyfriend relationship could end up for so many reasons. How much more for a couple, whose been married for how many years. When does a relationship ends? When both were already through from each other? When sparks already worn out? Or did each of the individual find another love to spend their time with and find if it’s worth staying?  For those who suffered and reading this, how did you heal  your broken heart?

The traces are still there. Forgiveness is not yet given, and I don’t know when will be that day. Some people said, the sign of moving on is when you forgive the one who did the hurtful things to you. Is this true? But then again, I couldn’t totally answer that.

So below this are things I did just to pull myself up.

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1. Write your thoughts out!

From my previews post, I did write an articles. For I couldn’t keep my emotion as much as I can. When we were in that situation, thoughts suddenly overflowing. All the queries. All the doubts that cannot be answered suddenly takes a toll on me. I am an introvert person. I just can’t tell you what my thoughts out loud, unlike extrovert people. I keep them, but in  some way or another, there is always a so called limits to everything. I recently realized that during those days. The limits of comprising everything inside. So I thought I need an outlet. Something that could minimize the bearing, keep myself in total check, and blocking my mind off from thinking. I did the writings, posted some of them to this page. Most of my write ups was posted in a certain website that stopped working years ago. Ended up deleting every post I had back then, but that’s okay now, it’s all in the past. Aside from posting them from  websites, I am also writing them up in a journal.

It feels good when you write them up. Looking from them years after, you will surely tell yourself, “How stupid I was back then!” and you will feel like it was the most embarrassing and funniest moment ever happen to your life.

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2. Go out and do some Aerobics!

The music was loud, my co-aerobics ladies was busy dancing, and I was like doing the moves but I had a teary eyes. I held back, controlled it, and do the moves. I did go through readings from websites, magazines and other reading materials just to get rid the thoughts of our relationship from my mind and one of their advice was do the moves. By doing an exercise that releases an endorphin (or the happy hormones)  from your body will increase and help you to get on the positive track. It is indeed effective.

My goal back then was not to get my body fats out from my system, but to get my mind off the track from thinking of him.

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3. Find a Trustworthy person who experience the same situation.

There were those moments when  writing isn’t enough. You want an advice from someone who can understand your distress, and know how to deal on some of your deep worries.  I am thankful to my friend, who was there when I needed an advice. Someone I can go to when everything seems so unclear. Thanks to her, I conquered that feeling.

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4. Look for something that will get yourself busy.

Working on something that will let your thoughts drift off from the burdened you carry within yourself is a must. You can gear yourself to do something that might interest you. Don’t let yourself do nothing, and think everything all over and over again in your home at your own emotional expense. Go out! You can do a cooking class, stitch a little bit, go for a seminar, training, or do anything that will make you happy. Taking one step at a time is worth a try than moping around.  Aerobics isn’t enough for me back then, I invest my earnings in learning new things. I enrolled in Education at St. Michael for 1 year class with 24 units subject at hand. I missed going to school. Doing this, really gave me plenty of things to worry that will keep my mind off of him. I got lot of home works, papers to be finished, reports to do and immersion to go to. It was then a busy year. I was working Weekdays, going to school during Weekends, a daily dose of 1 hour aerobics and doing all my papers during night time. Speaking of this, I kind of missed doing it.

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5. Don’t let yourself play slow songs or something romantic.

As much as I can, I don’t like listening to mellow music. I need something pop, rock or something that I can apply my aerobic thing. For listening mellow music will get me to square one, and it can took a little bit of time to pull myself again.  So don’t let yourself do this, unless you’ve moved on.

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6. Travel

After I gave my ultimate decision to my father about us, I decided to go somewhere to heal my undeniable broken heart. I went to the place where I really love, Japan. I did do a little bit of savings for almost a months. As far as my budget can stretch, I did try not to spend too much. Trying to stop myself from the whim of my own wants, and thankfully, it was a success. I got my dream. I went there and it was the most happiest thing ever that did happen to my existence here on earth. It means a lot to me.

Each and every one of us has different coping up mechanism. It so happen that, what is written here is something I did try to pull myself from this distress.  You can try anything that is appropriate to you, no one needs to control you for what you want.

For those viewers whose reading this and has a same situation, you know that you are not alone. If you want to cry, cry like a river, but don’t make it forever. The last thing that I did learn from all of this is that; No one can save you at the end of day, but you, yourself alone. Live fully, and live well.

EXPLORING SINGAPORE

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This will be my first entry for the Month of May. I haven’t had the chance to share my experience about our trip to Singapore and Malaysia last 2015. So I’ll be just sharing some pictures of our travel back then. Like anybody else, I did enjoy our trip thanks to Cebu Pacific Promo deals, and especially thanks to my friends. It has been one of many memorable things I had for the year 2015.
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The Taste of Life

“This story is something I created when I was a first  year college, year 2005. My teacher from English 3 instructed us to make a story based from the picture he revealed to us. At that moment,  the picture he did revealed was a photo of a cave and war like scenario, then this is how I created the story.”

It was May 14, 2014 when my friend Joan invited us to be reunited again after a long time, her friend since high school, to go in Palawan. It was her treat for us to relax from a heavy office duty, to have a sightseeing not to mentioned, vacation with the gang! It was the right time then since it was summer. All of us were free from work. The sea was a crystal clear as well as the sky that was very much bluer than blue when we arrived, and Joan was standing near the shore waiting for us.

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After a few days of appreciating the beauty of the said place, we have decided to go to the cave. The last spot that we haven’t gone to.  There were three boats that were going inside and one of that boats were us. Before entering the cave, Aliyah was quite afraid going inside because it was dark. I, myself was also afraid from the kept hidden mystery from the cave. Still, the man said that there’s nothing to be afraid of since the cave is not perilous. As we go in, we’ve seen lot of things inside and one of this was a limestone which was created by a slight acidic substance that slowly dissolves the rock along cracks and it looks like a crystal as the light of our flashlight hits the wall of the cave and we are amazed how wonderful it was. As we row the boat, many bats were flying towards us, until we arrived at the zone of the cave which is called the twilight zone. Joan explained to us what twilight zone is. She said that this zone is sheltered from direct sunlight and normally has a moderate environment than above ground and host to a diverse population of animals. After an hour, we succeed coming out from the cave with a feeling of contentment and memories of our experiences inside the cave.

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After enjoying the trip, we finally decided to go back to the resort hotel. It was getting dark when my friend wawa was reading a newspaper when suddenly she started to uproar. As I look at the newspaper, it was a picture of three cars that were burning into flame beside a building and it came from the country of Iraq. Bainarie told us that they were at the chaos that is happening in Iraq at this very moment, and it was true as seen on CNN News today. I’ve seen many people, military unit and other events that are involve in that pandemonium. From that moment, I feel bad and pity to those people who are involved in that turmoil. As I look up the sky, the stars are shining so brightly and the sea was calm. I suddenly think that, while we were having fun on this island, other people were suffering from commotion that caused by misunderstanding. Now, I realize that sometimes, life is becoming unfair.

“It was a story I created 11 years ago, and to tell you, this didn’t happen since our friend Joan died from an incurable illness last 2013. It was an unexpected sickness that caused her body to grow frailer each day. The treatment from her illness haven’t been resolved by science, only to reduce the pain. Due to her stress caused by her environment, her sickness grow quicker than expected. Not later than a year, I guess, after knowing her illness, she died. The sickness that caused her life to demise is called LUPUS.”

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TOKYO TRAVEL EXPENDITURE

The first thing that comes out in our mind when we think about travelling is how much will it cost us? How much do we need to save for the trip that we dreamt of? Do I have enough cash for this travel? Travelling should not be an encumbrance, but a commitment to yourself to take a break and have fun once in a while. This will take more patients when it comes to preparation.

Japan 2017

From my 2015 Japan Travel, I didn’t got too much of a problem since I already have a fund to use. At first, I questioned if this will be in acted. I do believe in the words “expect the unexpected”, until my co-officemate booked a ticket 45 days before our trip. When she did that, I said to myself “This is it.” For this time around, 2017 Japan Travel, I really need to break a leg to save up. The remaining deposit on my bank account was at its lowest, and need to start from a scratch. Nevertheless, our willingness to take this trip with my college friends was then stronger and finally set our mind to do it. We made a planning then booked a promo flight from Cebu Pacific 7 months before its departure. We then waited for another local promo air fare and we just did.
In order to give you a further insight about my expenses, you can base from the information below.
INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT (VICE VERSA).                                       7,350
LOCAL AIR FARE (VICE VERSA)                                                         1,500
LOCAL TERMINAL FEE (LAGUINDINGAN AIRPORT)                     200
INTERNATIONAL FEE (MACTAN AIRPORT)                                      750
TRAVEL TAX INTERNATIONAL FEE                                                 1,620
HOTEL NAKA-MEGURO                                                                      2,500
SHIBAMATA HOTEL.                                                                            1,658
CEBU HOTEL FOR 1 NIGHT                                                                  700
TRANSPORTATION FARE FROM NARITA TO NAKAMEGURO  1,200                                              KESEI SKY LINER (SHIBAMATA TO NARITA)                                 926.50
VISA PROCESSING THROUGH DISCOVERY TOUR                         800
TOTAL                                                                                                   19,204.5

Based from the above computation, it did cost me 19,204.50. In addition to this, I did bring 30,000 with me for my expenses for food, transportation and other unexpected expenses. However, I didn’t used all those amount, and bring some of it when I came back from Japan.
How much you’re going to spend depends on the person who is travelling. When you plan, be sure to consider all the expenses needed, and the places.


TOKYO TRAVEL EXPENDITURE

Dodging Fantasy, and walking into the reality!

I guess, the time has come in order for me to end it. It’s not healthy anymore. I would say, I am currently indignant with my marriage situation I am in, but the fact that it’s not working, I have to stop it. Several girls in this world really would like to have a lifetime partner. A prince that will save them from the distress of being single, and love that a girl ever wanted. A happy every after effect, that’s what we are looking for. However, facing the harsh reality, happily ever after is not for everyone, just like me. I guess, I expect too much, and I am craving for an affection from a guy but it was dreadful. Love that is one sided and no proof of getting back would only put me in too much pain. Being martyr is not an option for me. I’ve been doing this, like for 4 years of this marriage, but I am only hurting myself in this kind of set up. I can’t take the pain anymore, and being so negative toward myself caused me too much. A collateral damage for my act of denying that someday, somewhere, miracles would happen for us. However, what Nora Aunor’s state in one of her movies: “Walang himala, nasa tao ang himala!” (There is no miracle, only human do the miracles” I deceived myself from the illusion of miracles. A miracle that he would love me, and somehow forget that girl. But some guys do really choose what their heart felt, even breaking the law. So, I did say to myself “Okay, let’s end it. Move on from our own pace.” I wouldn’t deny that maybe at some point, I’ve done something wrong. This might be the reason; I never had been into a relationship, and I never had the chance to experience the boy-girl relationship, and that’s why ended up with nothing. Being single woman is the most appropriate for me. Yeah, I might be selfish in this kind of thinking, yet I am protecting myself from going to another relationship that would end into oblivion. Is it wrong to be born as NBCB? (No Boyfriend since Birth) I guess not. It is only that one’s heart cannot be altered once it loves someone else. I don’t care about what other people says, all that matter now is letting things in order to free everyone that is involve with this parental marriage. A marriage that keeps his mother in pain, my parents who always think about my feeling, and relatives who are concern about us. I guess, once I cut the string off, it would set everyone else free. He can marry the person he loves, and free me from tying into a doubtful future. This is for the best, “That’s what I am thinking about!”

As much as possible, I wouldn’t be so negative on this post, and even say something from this pain I am feeling now, but rather, I would like to share with you guys the positive wisdom I did get from this marriage.

  1. I did find that love is such a wonderful thing. It’s no wonder that some people are addict finding this one, as it makes you happy. It’s like every day is a beautiful day. It even gives you the positive vibes, putting a smile in your cheek, and looking forward seeing that someone in the morning.
  2. I did realize my weakness, and the person who I really am.
  3. I also see the super ego deep inside me, and that I don’t have the most control of it.

I guess, that’s the high light of positive marriage life I had. However, the pain and the stress I’ve gone through is something extraordinary. I never had a painful experience in my entire life than this one, and it then follow after the other. If you’re going to ask me either I will go with the same experience or not, I guess that’s enough. I would gladly accept the fact of being single ‘til the end. Yet, I am not closing any door since Allah (saw) always has something that He destined for us to do. To tell you the truth, I don’t really know how will I coop up with this thing, but I guess I just let time heal itself. Compared to the previews years, now, my heart is somewhat calmer than the previews. I am happy that my freedom will be returned to me, yet sad because He was my FIRST LOVE. A fairy tale that came so soon, and ended so soon. Life is always imperfect, but thanks God I am alive, and I have my family, and friends whose there no matter what.

Live life to the Fullest

Live life to the Fullest

The person who changed my life

Mentor can be defined as a trusted counselor or guide. In other words, this mentor could be refer to someone whom you gain knowledge or idea that benefited you to bring it along with your life as you move forward for your future. It is such a fortunate enough to meet a caring adult whose advice, guidance, and example made a difference. Ask yourself today if there is someone who gave you an important lesson that changes everything in you.

Person who changed my life

I’ve been reading a book this past few days and yet I haven’t finished it, , I would give you a glimpse of this book called “A person who changed my life”. This book was edited by Matilda Raffa Cuomo and foreword by a great woman herself, Hillary Rodham Clinton. This book was a collection of essay came from the prominent people who recall their mentors that changed their life forever. This book contains more or less 70 people who tells their story about their mentor whom they thankful for. This book is a very wonderful one since it gives an inspiring stories coming all the way from the people who are now known today. If you are looking for a book that will inspire you, try and read this book.

desks

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When the hearts goes way out!

                Pray_for_Palestine_III_by_at_badrah

          Have you ever felt that there is something missing in your life? Something that you are looking for, but unfortunately you don’t know where to start? As for me, I always feel this. I was then at home, when I feel this urge again. Sadness suddenly squeezed me, and my heart weighted like it was poured a lot of stone inside of it. While I was then browsing, I saw a status posted by Queenie Padilla:

“Offering Salah (Prayer) is good thing but the best thing is to offer it with great concentration (Kushu) and it can only be attain by giving Dawah, visiting Islamic gatherings, listening reminders and reciting Quran. There is no more Kushu in our prayers that is why even praying hard won’t get answered, sometimes.”

        I then thought that, I’ve been a Muslim for almost years now since I was born, but I didn’t have the opportunity to grow my spiritual being. Maybe it was my upbringing, but as much as I would like, I don’t want to blame anyone from this thing that had happen. Previous years, I wanted to do all that stuff that was mentioned by Queenie, and successfully, some of them were already made possible by a lot of efforts on my part, yet the world is much stronger. I always felt that my heart and my mind is very innocence to be influence by other feelings, and my most fearless enemy is no other than myself. How can I defeat this kind of enemy? (This is what I had asked myself.) In Islamic perspective, your other self is what they call “nafs”, and in English term, the other side of yourself is your “EGO”. Some of the human beings when they have something done that are wrong; occasionally they can’t stop their self from doing it. I could say the EGO part is much stronger. I want to defeat this kind of thing in me, but my enemy is much stronger than me. It’s like I am being held up until I choke down when some factors suddenly came up, and my heart beat faster than the usual beating and I hate it. Every day I would like try to force myself to do something, because if I won’t, I will only trap myself in this thing called cage of life. I don’t know when will be the day that I will completely forget about this world desire, but I am hoping that Allah (swt) will enlighten me and bring some people in my life that would help and understand me in defeating this kind of enemy.

                There are those times, where I always wanted to search for a school for Islamic studies far from home to force myself, but to no avail I didn’t find anything. Ya Rabb, let me find my own destiny to feel and answer my prayers and give me wisdom that I needed. Fulfill what my heart desire in terms of spirituality, and change this sadness deep inside into an enlighten one that hope it will change me forever.

                Below this is a video that I would like to share to everyone out there, who is also looking for an answer that they would like to achieve and make this sadness of life goes away.