The following days after December 31, 2014.

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Another year is going at its end, and newly tide is now on its way to make everything different. Another year for celebrations, and year of adventure in our life. Do you think something will change in one’s life in this year? I guess so, because each of us has a destiny to fulfill, and what that is, is a surprise that we need to look forward to.

I’ve been browsing at wordpress.com, encoding the 2015 on the tag part to search for some resolution coming from other people. Many of them showed up different resolution in their life were you can find them as somewhat pleasing. People do has a way of doing things, hoping it will be the best. And yet, it is somewhat wonderful since it gives hope to one’s heart that somewhere in their life in this year, they change something for good. We are not perfect, we do make mistakes. It is an inevitable circumstances that human do have this kind of nature. You and I is not excuse for this true concept, but despite of this, I would say human is an awesome creation. Trying to make up for something that has gone wrong in their past life.

From previous years, we happened to learn so many things from our happy memories, and mostly from our sad memories. Usually, the sad one was something that triggers our loneliness. The deepest part of us, that saying “Someone help me, I don’t know what to do!” However, we want to disguise our weakness through showing others that “I am strong” which in reality, we gain cracks inside our heart once we felt the pain of being sad for something that had happened. Moving on is something that is hard. As they say “you must let go.” But let’s admit, this thing is a painful part in our life, yet we need it for us to free ourselves. Most of the human, and thousands of thousands of human even in the past felt this feeling in a most unexpected way. Circumstances always make us feel this pain before a person come along in his/her twilight zone in his/her life, and I am not exempted to that. I was born in an average family. At first we don’t have anything, but we do have each other for almost years, I never gained any problems except from my school thing. However, after 23 years of living, I did encounter one thing, my ex-husband. We broke up days ago, which I stated in my past blog. I don’t want to go into details, but as I felt I am not yet transcending myself in letting go. He is the first person who made me feel the true pain is. Truly, loving a person is something that will cause pain and that you will find yourself in the weakest form once it’s broken, and I did. I felt miserable being together with him. One thing is, it flash right into my face, the real weakness inside me and the reflection of who I truly am. Instead of encouraging me, he didn’t helped any of it, but instead he keep on piling up so many things that I couldn’t handle. It is like, our relationship is a curse that we need to be part ways. I feel terribly sad about it, and I am always asking if when will be the day I need to let go of this pain? I am hoping that next year, will be the time I will learn to let go.

Aside from this, I list all of the things I planned to do this year 2015 and here it is:

               (I need to upload my mind mapping sooner)

                My plan somewhat scramble, but mind mapping is indeed a good things in planning. It is missed up, but I still need to arrange it within this two days before the year ends. I want to implement this plan by January, hopefully. So In order give a view in my plan, let’s summarize it shall we? Let’s take them one by one.

  1. Spiritual – This is the most important priorities that I needed to accomplish. I’ve planning on to grow this part of me, yet I couldn’t for the fact that myself wouldn’t. I might say that it is my nafs or desire that make this thing out of my priorities. However, this year I will try the best as I can to be within my goal. May Allah guide me, and give tawfiq inside my mind to fulfill this.
  2. Different path – I wouldn’t state this thing directly in here for I am certain that someone might see this blog which I want this to be safe yet. But I am planning to try a certain path that might lead me somewhere, and learn the things I needed.
  3. Travel – I really wanted to go to JAPAN. I am hoping that this year will be that significant year where I will be having an adventure in this said place.
  4. Going to School and learn – I will do this practical thing which I would like to go to if my second list will be operational, if not, I guess I have to look for another thing to fulfill this.
  5. Save Money- OMG! My weakness! For almost six years I’ve been using my salary extravagantly without saving anything. Look at me right now, I’m yet at the starting point to save something.
  6. Read Books- I am not much of a reader, but I do believe that once you find a book that you will enjoy, it is like sweet cake, that you will grave for it always.
  7. Self-Development – I am my young adult stage, and I felt I’m still young child inside. Selfish and self-centered. I don’t want to go on like this. I want to mature and enhance myself with things that I needed the most.
  8. Exercise – I do this thing, but not that totally rigorous. I, particularly stop, go, stop and go with my exercise thing.

I am hoping that my list will be followed next year. Of course, it will depend on me. I do have a tendency to procrastinate, but as much as I can, time is an essence in living our lives. I guess, I’ve wasted too much time which I could not count them, if they did productive or not. Evaluating from my previews year, I guess none. However, I want to believe that I could do so many things in this year of the rum. I was watching “Once Upon a Time Series” and I could tell that what I’ve learned is to believe and have faith in all the things that I needed. I guess, I have to contemplate and meditate and ask myself from everything that had gone wrong, and things I couldn’t do. In this way I might find a better changes by next year. Live and Believe.

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New Year, New Changes!

It’s been a month since my last post here in my word press page. It’s New Year and I do want to greet every one of you a Happy Happy New Year! They’ve said that when New Year, it is the year that you need to have those new resolution. You want to change those things that aren’t supposedly right, and make a right decision over something, and do something that is worth productive. I am sure most of the people here already have their own resolution. In the Muslim world, we don’t usually celebrate this New Year since we always follow the Hijrah Calendar. It is a bid’a when we do the celebration thing. Of course, here in our home town, we didn’t celebrate it. However, the only thing we do is look those dashing fireworks up in the sky. Though it isn’t part of religion, as a person who became used to this kind of thing…there is that one thing that I do wanted this year. I want some change in my life and to become happy. I will try my best in order not to think negative thoughts.

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Furthermore, this New Year has been some kind of cynical. The first day of the year, a family conversation was held in order to settle something that is needed to be settled. On that as well, I realize that I am not ready to let go of what is already in there. Though I am hurt with all the things that are in there but I choose to continue this staff. Thinking that it might change somewhere down the road. On the 3rd day of this New Year, I was shocked by the news coming from the Admin here in our office.

There is supposedly a transition making here in our office. Some of the job contractual will be transferred to the newly branch that was created last year at Cagayan de Oro City. Before, most of the JO’s were shocked in the since that  it was sudden and that the cost of living in that said City is far more expensive than here in Iligan City. On the month that this news was being relayed, I was already designated in a certain place in order to be one of the Servicing Desk. Those moments, I didn’t really become so much worried about the changes since that I’ll be in my home town. However, on that said day, I was really shocked they’ve chosen someone over me. Three were supposedly to be assigned in that place, one regular and two JOs…I’m one of those JOs. I was trained in order to prepare myself for the job requirement in that place. I did try my best in order to fulfil this. I was the one the first one to be trained. I guess, more or less four mos. I’ve been trained for this purpose, but that day? They’ve told me that she was chosen due to seniority bases; secondly I was not totally in the main field of the office. It was so unreasonable since I was trained on this job and then later on, the one who isn’t trained was the one being picked. If it is for seniority bases, they should not have gone through in making picking a number for us…if it is only for seniority basis. I was thinking their reason is sound so stupid, yet I can’t complain since they are the boss. I felt they were unfair in making this decision.

unfair